(Source: weheartit.com, via metalhearted)

enough

I am not good at waiting. It makes me angry to be caught in that impossibly itchy space where I want an answer right now, any kind of answer, but also I don’t want an answer, because what if the answer is no? 

I want silence and salt and a temporary reprieve from wanting. 

I want to be enough. For others. For myself.

rawfootage:

Aries: This week let yourself be open.
Not like a door but like a hand,
which is to say you must break
any promise you’ve made to emptiness.
It might take practice.
Open a book you’ve already read
and imagine yourself as a short sentence
at the end of a long chapter. How you might
be an answer if you allow others
to claim you. If you don’t run.
On Tuesday good news will come to you
or at least rain on a sidewalk
your knees have already memorized.
Don’t go looking for guilt.
It will leave a stain no amount of blood
could ever get out.  

ac

(via metalhearted)

beauty

This morning a girl in her early twenties sat across from me on the train. She was so beautiful it was painful to look at her. I tried and failed not to stare.

She was heavily tattooed. Ink covered her hands, her arms, her neck, her face. Under her right eye it said “Beauty” in a loopy script. Above her left eyebrow was a long word that began with a W: “Wonderland,” maybe.

Beauty. I wanted to ask her about it. The irony of permanently labeling something that won’t last. The irony of carrying a word you can’t see unless you look in a mirror, and then it’s no longer itself but only its reflection. 

*** 

This post by Roxane Gay—http://roxanegay.tumblr.com/post/92447793995/we-lie-the-most-to-ourselves—my god. It kills me. I love that woman. Brilliant writer, incredible person. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about personal narrative lately. How we make ourselves vulnerable by sharing something, but also how it makes us stronger to acknowledge an experience or a feeling. Here is this thing that I lived through, and now that I’ve labeled it, it’s outside of me. When you can name something, you have power over it. 

Today while I was reading Roxane’s post it occurred to me that I write about personal things because I don’t want to talk about them. 

We Lie the Most to Ourselves

roxanegay:

I did nothing this weekend so today I will be working my ass off and then I will rinse and repeat for the rest of all time. Or something.

We have places that can be marked on a map with bright red Xs and beneath those bright red Xs are memories and moments we have shared. This could mean…

practice screaming

I want to make something with words, every day or most days. Something small.

A thought a question a scream. 

The ENT doctor says I should practice screaming. Go in the closet and scream, he says. I would have to slip a note under the neighbors’ doors. On Tuesday at 7:45 p.m. do not be alarmed by the screaming. It’ll be just me and my paralyzed vocal cord learning about each other. 

I had a daily origami calendar some years ago. Today let’s make an elephant. A boat a butterfly a crane. Bright glossy squares of promise.

Today let’s make a song for one vocal cord. 

proustitute:

Anne Carson, Plainwater

proustitute:

Anne Carson, Plainwater

(via kdecember)

thekhooll:

Fred Tomaselli

(Source: archatlas)

http://rawfootage.tumblr.com/post/91692132891/i-collect-peoples-stories-he-says-and-i-hate

rawfootage:

“I collect people’s stories,”
he says, and I hate him for it.
I refuse to be the sum of my nights
or the edge of a name
I have dragged across my body
until my blood knew it.
In this tall city I am not myself but
an ache, a map with no wrong turns.
Like the rocks we stole from the ocean,

rawfootage:

palmarejo’s got front row
seats if what she thinks
is true about poets. i know
how you poets gets down
she jokes. cos she always
jokes. about my loneliness.
i know how you poets
get down she says watching
me watch the waves wipe out
whatever’s out there. give me
all the pretty heavy stones for
the pockets of my old floral
dress. & yes i’ll let them take me.
not cos i’m a poet, but cos i need
to know who should, on their sunburned
knees, beg for mercy
the rocks or the sea.

sb

http://rawfootage.tumblr.com/post/90623428371/and-when-the-heat-comes-its-raw-mouth-studded

rawfootage:

And when the heat comes, its raw mouth studded with stars, I think of it more than I think of you. Because it makes my body into a question. The leg bones on a blue plate, our fingers stained with garlic sauce. You don’t ask enough of me. I am the window you look out of to see something briefly…

"I have so much I want to tell you, and nowhere to begin."

the Salinger (via nevver)

(via nevver)

http://rawfootage.tumblr.com/post/90305519446/fireworks-start-in-june-you-can-take-them-for

rawfootage:

fireworks start in june. you can take them for gunshots if you haven’t heard a gun go off uncomfortably close to your yard. if a group of men never rode by your home and there! three bullets. first last and security. play a game with yourself after your shoulders touch your ears. you will need to…

http://rawfootage.tumblr.com/post/89276967336/my-fever-started-twenty-six-years-ago-as-i-tried

rawfootage:

My fever started twenty-six years ago as I tried to catch
air in my mouth. Learned to duck my lips in a drug
filled womb. I call it his fever cos he came
with [five doves flying in the night air shoving freedom
in the face of stars] imagination.
With this imagination came instructions.